My favorite song!

"On the first page of our story, the future seemed so bright"

- Love the Way You Lie feat. Eminem

Contradicting...

the first time you told me you forgot, i believe without thinking much.
this time you told me you forgot again, i doubt so.
i shouldn't be. but it's a fact that i already did =\
those days/hours/minutes that you didn't reply, all felt so lonely and empty to me.
i keep checking my phone.
but all i got was disappointment.
i wanted to text you first, but i just didn't know what to say.
and i don't want it to be very random.
is it really that easy to forget that you have not reply?
because i don't think you are the forgetful type.
i don't know why, but i'm starting to think that you are avoiding me.
and you are not replying on purpose.
although i can't find any reasons for you to do so.
sometimes i even question myself about our relationship.
are we friends, good friends or just acquaintances?
and which of the above you think we are?
if we are just normal friends, you shouldn't care so much about me.
you shouldn't be worried about me when i tell you i need someone to talk to.
you shouldn't even bother.
the more you shouldn't feel sad and disappointed at me when you found out that i'm doing some things that i aren't supposed to be doing.
and you wouldn't be so anxious when someone asked you what had happened to me for that few days and keep calling me.
i do want to know why are you feeling all this towards me.
is it that you feel the same towards any of your friends?
or is it just sympathy?
and if we are good friends, why is it that when i asked you what had happened, you always chose not to tell me?
i still remember last time when i asked you why do you have so much trust in me,
and you replied "i just have that gut feeling that you can be trusted".
if you trust me, why don't you want to share your worries with me?
or at least tell me what you are thinking?
and if you say we are only acquaintances, i would only blame myself for telling you so much.
if you are reading this now, you should know that i'm referring to you.
i know after reading this, you will be angry for sure.
but even if you're angry with me, this is really how i feel.
at least i chose not to direct to you.
and if you're really reading all this, then i want you to ask yourself a few questions.
are you trying to make yourself not to fall for someone?
are you doing certain things just because you're afraid of falling in love and getting into a relationship?
well, all i've got to say is to follow your heart.
don't force yourself to do certain things that you yourself know that you wouldn't like.

i hate myself for not having the courage
i despise myself

unexpected

bad start-off for today.
was waken up by a sms from Ngee Ann regarding our results.
although was longing for this day but my mood was still spoilt by it.
results wasn't good.
in fact it was very bad.
a B, three Cs and five Ds.
what made it worse is that the module that i got B was my elective only.
and i got a D for both my core modules.
this sem was really fcuked up.
keep missing lectures and tutorials.
failed my common test for both core modules.
its no wonder my results are so bad.
cant blame anyone but myself.
blame myself for wasting my time doing stupid things for someone who no longer exist in my life.
come to think of it, i was seriously stupid.
did so many things to find out that everything was just lies after lies.
well, shall not talk about this matter anymore.

anyway, that was in the morning.
after waking up, headed to tiong bahru plaza to have breakfast with my brother.
had Big Breakfast at Mac! wahahahahaha~
was super full after i finished.
wonder how i manage to finish the Deluxe set with Jovi that time. lol~
after that walked around and we went to a pet shop.
saw the hamsters while we stood outside the shop.
they are seriously very cute and small!
feel like buying one home but my mum dont allow -.-
but dont know why the pet shop owner squeeze so many hamsters into one compartment.
there are like over 10 in a single compartment lor.
after that, walked in to take a look.
saw a dog dish+water bottle which cost $38!
and my brother told me it cost $33 cause the tag was fading already.
i really thought it was $33 so we decided to get it.
but the cashier told me its $38 and i was stunned.
cause i didnt have enought cash.
then we told the cashier we will be back later.
damn paiseh lor. want buy but not enough money.
after that headed back again to get the 2-in-1 dog dish and a toy for my dog.

head home after that to rest for a while before heading for work.
was still feeling quite sad for my bad results but something sort of cheered me up.
upon seeing that, my mood immediately changed.
was quite shocked though. cause it was totally unexpected. and it was the second day something like this happened already.
was still wanting to sms someone to talk about it but dont need already.
well, just hope that this will continue to happen?
but this cant possibly last long cause eventually i will have to make the initiative.
anyway~ timyiong came to our house to slack a while before all three of us headed for work.
before going for work, we bought the 'chao da ji pa' from the taiwan shilin xiaochi.
reached workplace, ate dinner and started work.
today was quite okay though. just that it was super warm outside!
i swear i'm going to melt if i were to stay there any longer. lol~
after work went to eat prawn noodles beside our workplace.
boss was very nice. he heard that we are going to eat so he offered to treat us =D
thought the prawn noodles will be very nice cause its quite popular.
in the end it just taste the same as any other prawn noodle =.=
then one of our colleage offered me tiger beer so i just accept it.
but its one mug only. lol~ drank with them on wednesday also.
they are nice people. enjoy working there!
now i wonder why i ever thought of quitting this job =.=

after work, waited with timyiong for his dad to come fetch him.
crapped a lot as usual. lol.
after his dad reached, headed home, walked my dog, bathed and now i'm here blogging.
and i think it's time for me to stop?
cause this post is getting way too long~! hahaha.

alright~ shall post again when i have the time!
goodnight people! XD

16 days and I'm still counting...

Sorry...

sorry for doing things i shouldn't do...
sorry for not listening to you at times...
sorry for talking back...
sorry for disappointing you...
sorry for making you worried...
sorry for breaking your heart...
sorry for everything I've done that makes you sad...

I'm sorry...