Selfish or Fair?

from the very first day we are together, you told me that you feel that you owe me a lot.

that's because of something that had happen to you in the past.
you didn't tell me about this before we even got together.
you said you are scared of losing me after telling me.
but you told me eventually.
i sat and listen to what you had to say.
i know it took you a lot of courage to say it out.
even before you told me, i can already predict what you wanted to say.
but i told myself that it's impossible.
i told myself you wouldn't do this kind of things.
so i listened.
after hearing what you said, i was shocked.
and my prediction was correct.
i didn't walk away, and i didn't leave you.
i even said something to you.
"what happened in the past is not important.
i doesn't matter to me and i just want to be with you.
what's important is our future."
after hearing this,
you told me that you owe me even more.
and you will do whatever things to keep or to make me happy.
but i guess it's a different story now?

6 months ago, you did something wrong.
you did something behind my back.
but you feel that it's perfectly alright to do that.
but is the sms part still perfectly alright?
is going out to meet another guy right after celebrating my birthday perfectly alright?
do you even know how hurt i was?
i was at your house when i found out this.
you cried and kneel down and beg me not to leave.
you even beg me to give you another chance.
another chance for you to earn back my trust.
i gave you that chance.
but now you tell me, is it right for me to give you this chance?
different story also?

during this 6 months, more things happened.
and i keep giving you chances.
i even proved to you that i can change for you.
but in the end, you are the one who wants a break up.
and the reason for wanting:
"i am tired of trying to earn back your trust."

you said throughout the 6 months, i didn't trust you at all.
not even a single bit.
but you are not me, how would you know?
even if i really didn't trust you at all,
you think it is so easy to put your trust in someone who you love so deeply but did something which hurt you so much?
what you did to me was totally unexpected.
do you really think 6 months is all it takes to earn back my trust?

you told me you know you shouldn't be giving up so easily.
you told me it's hard for you to forget this relationship also.
you said you lose faith many times.
and the more you lose faith in it, the more you feel tired.

but isn't this a very selfish reason?
if you really love me, would you be giving up so easily?
would you even bear to let go?
you even told me you had to be selfish to me to be fair to yourself.
you said you just want yourself to be happy.
but have you forgotten what you told me when we just started out?
to keep me and to make me happy no matter what?
everything is a different story now right?

you have changed.
everything about you had changed.
from the day you went into poly, you are slowly changing into another person.
and i don't think i know you anymore...

remember how you beg to me in your email?
remember how you beg to me at your house?
now i'm just asking you to try once more...